If you could read my palm
What do you think you'd find
What do you think you'd see
If you could read my mind
Do you expect to see darkness
And the rejection of all light
Do you expect to see hatred
Cynicism, ostentation, and spite
Well, today, my boy, I have in store
A rare and privleged treat
Today I'll give you an insight
To this cynical, spiteful freak
I do not really hate you
Contrary to what you currently believe
If this bit of information bothers you
Then by all means...leave
The truth is you want me to hate you
Because you think I'm strange
You want no affiliations
With the dark and deranged
But truth be known I'm not as dark
As your mind canvas paints
Your pallet is misleading
With its black and white taints
If you want to see me clearly
Add some color plate
See that in this work of art
There is simply no room for hate
If I were to add that poison
To this dramatic, yet musical hue
I wouldn't be me at all
What I would be, is you.

HEY! dude yesterday was like the best cuz i went to skwl and i was getting my exemptions and dude they gave me two of them even tho they said that i would only get one so FUCK YEAH cuz i got to exempt my chem class and that rocks my socks cuz i prolly woulda failed cuz i so dont know that shit! but idk and then we went to this one place and they dont card for ciggs and that fuckin rocks my socks too cuz its like right up the fuckin street from my house and so yeah FUCK YEAh about that shit too...im gonna try getting alky from there too but idk if it will work but i can get joints from that guy too so FUCK YEAH again cuz he rocks my socks!!! so yeah today i went to irving earlier and i got too meet these 2 guys that tanna is friends with and so that was fun except it was fuckin cold as hell!! but today was my last day in class wit god and that fucking suks balls cuz hes the fucking hottest guy that ive ever seen and i wanna fuck him so bad but he has a gf and i wanna give him head too cuz yeah hes fucking hott!! OMFG!! and so yeah tanna i gonna pick me up in like 2 hours and we're gonna go back to irving cuz irving is like the best place ever and we alwayz go there and we're gonna go to outback and check out hott ass guys and shit and its gonna fuckin rock!! so yeah and then we are jux gonna hang out and im chillin at her place tonite and then we're gonna hang out all tomorrow and yeah that fuckin rocks and we're gonna go to the game together and shit and that rocks too cuz she doesnt have to work tomorrow and so yeah FUCK YEAH and then im gonna meet up wit short shity and we're prolly gonna go to cici's pizza after the game wit the band and band is like awesum and they fuckin rock!! so yeah this weekend is gonna be fuckin tight as hell and then on sunday i getta see my baby jason and im so happy cuz i love him so much and yeah i wanna spend the rest of my life with him cuz hes so awesum and great and funny and lol this is dumb but hes the PERFECT height..haha...thats funny, i cant believe that i juss said that!! ima fuckin dumbass!! holy shit...im so fuckin sick right now and it fuckin sucks cuz that means that after the game im gonna be even sicker cuz its gonna be fuckin cold as shit..its gonna be like 30 minus outside and that fuckin bites and i really wanna joint right now!! haha! ok bye.
(( ** babegrl ** ))

So yeah this past week has been so busy...me and tanna have been hanging out alot more which ROCKS cuz i luv her to death...she is so awesum!! and then tomorrow shes coming to get me after school and we're gonna go hang out again and like we get to school at like fucking 7 30 and classes dont even start till like 8 47 or somthing like that...haha. and then like i started smoking again and it sucks but then again it doesnt but then yeah it does and then like this week is suppose to be "dead week" cuz we have finals and it sucks cuz i can only exempt one fuckin class but oh well and i have so much fucking homework like i have like 200 more problems due tomorrw, well no their due like whatever the next day is and yeah it fuckin bites cuz i jux got done doing 100 other ones that are due and yeah FUCK SKWL!!! so yeah..i need a ciggarett really bad...OMFG!! n-t-ways i am so fuckin bored and tired and cold...like im freezing my fuckin ass off!! OMFG!! BURRRRR! well buh byes...
((( xoxo BaBeGrL xoxo )))

so yeah...on Friday varsity played fossil ridge and yeah they kiked our @$$es and im so mad at our stupid V FB players...b-cuz now we are 5-3 and so now we're not gonna go to playoffs and that sucks so f*cking bad and this is like the worst day of my f*cking life....well one of them neways b-cuz today my mom decided that i was being angry and that im always angry or depressed or sad after i get back from visiting ppl from my old skwl and thats f*king BS b-cuz i wasnt even mad or angry or sad, like i miss my friends and everythng but i was never angry until she pissed me off b-cuz she kept on asking why i was so mad when i wasnt mad and i tried and tired to tell her that and she juss wasnt getting the f*cking point and so then i was pissed off and now shes like well maybe you juss shouldnt go back and visit your friends and i was like fine WTF ever, but thats bullshit and i hate arguing with her b-cuz shes like well why dont u come in here and have a talk with "me and ur dad" when really what she means is why dont u come in here so *I* can yell at you for about an hour and ur dad can sit there and do nothing like he always does when "we" are having talks and u can sit there and not give a f*ck b-cuz thats what ur good at and then i can get madder and madder and punish you for something that u didnt do in the first place b-cuz i juss dont understand u b-cuz i wont let u be the person u want to be b-cuz i keep trying to make u into something that ur not so ur confused about who u are and that pisses me off b-cuz then i dont know what to do and u dont know what to do b-cuz u dont understand whats going on and its my fault altho i'll never admit it b-cuz in my mind im right and ur wrong and im big and ur little and theres nothin u can do about it...so get the f*ck over it. and now *SHE* is saying that i need counceling b-cuz she is a shitty mom and i think shes juss saying that to see if i will tell her whats going on in my head when really i dont give a f*ck if i have to go to counceling...its her money shes wasting not mine...and i dont have to talk to ne-one, they cant make me so for me its like an hour of vacation time from her every time i go so why would i care about that..i welcome this "opportunity" with wide open arms!! im never gonna tell her whats going on in my head b-cuz she would never understand it, it would be a long drawn out waste of time and it would juss piss her off and im good at that already so WTF and so idk what to do alls i know is that im moving out of this f*ckin hell house ASAP b-cuz i hate my *"parents"* b-cuz their both f*cking liars and idk why on earth anyone would let them actually raise children and im never gonna turn out to be like them ever...i'll kill myself if i do, i know what i've gone thru in juss the short 4 years that i've actaully lived with them and i know how bad its been and its f*cking terrible and i will never make my children go thru what i have had to go thru b-cuz i know how it feels and its not a good feeling and i hate it and this will forever stick with me, these terrible memories of what are SUPPOSE to be the best years of my life, well they arent....their the worst ones!!!

OMG i love Halloween!! Its like the 3rd best holiday of the year so yeah. Last night i went to a Halloween/Birthday party for mah friend Melly and it was really cool. like we hung out for a while then we ate sum food ((pizza)) and then we all went outside and were jumping on the trampoline which was really stupid b-cuz it was like 10 below out there and we were all freezing our @$$es off so yeah that was stupid but then we went into the house and watched Silence of the Lambs so that was fun b-cuz i like that movie even tho its sick. But then it was like 11 pm and me and melinda and alex and heather and dee were all about to leave and i was so cold and alex handed me his letterman jacket b-cuz hes such a gentlemen and omg it was like heaven b-cuz thos hoes are warm!! im like dayum. and then we were driving down 820 and we stopped and saw Therisa's and Wou's and Amanda's memorial b-cuz on 9/13/03 they got into a car accident and died and it was really sad and we were crying **tears** so yeah that was depressing but we managed to get thru it so that was good but it was a really quiet ride the rest of the way home. But yea i guess most of saturday was fun and then on friday me, jenn, cc, jakey, laural, and amanda all went and saw Scary Movie 3 so that was awesum b-cuz it was so f*cking funny...were laffing so hard omg!! well neways....HAPPY DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!! i luv dayliht savings time this whole extra hour thing really makes me a happy child!!! ((until they take it away again...bastards!))) thats like giving you a puppy and letting you keep it for like 6 months and then saying im taking my puppy back..haha. thats juss wrong..isnt it?? GGGRRRRR!! ok bye now.

In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.

She said "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.
I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools.
And we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school ... the
Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself.
And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.
And we said OK.

Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children when they misbehave. The school administrators said no faculty member in this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued (there's a big difference between disciplining, touching, beating, smacking, humiliating, kicking, etc.).
And we said OK.

Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they
want, and they won't even have to tell their parents.
And we said OK.

Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want so they can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents they got them at school.
And we said OK.

Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs. Agreeing with them, we said it doesn't matter to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long as I have a job and the economy is good.

Then someone said let's print magazines with pictures of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth appreciation for the beauty of the female body.
And we said OK.

And then someone else took that appreciation a step further and published pictures of nude children and then further again by making them available on the Internet.
And we said OK, they're entitled to free speech.

Then the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. Let's record music that encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes.
And we said it's just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, nobody takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they WILL think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it...
no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in!

I have only been in one fight in my life. It was in 7th grade and there was only one punch involved between three people. I provoked it, they challenged back, and then I gave it to one of them. What I saw after that was the most amazing thing. One punch put a kid on his back, causing 70% of his face to instantly grow an inch, and turn blue within 15 seconds. Then I watched an older brother not stick up for his little brother because he was TERRIFIED.
In one punch, I inflicted bodily pain, terror, emotional insecurity, and probably some hate. Believe it or not, I got the short end of the stick that day. Guilt, pain, choking feelings, wishes to take that moment back, apologies I can not say now, and what's worse... an ECHO in my MEMORY.
After 9/11, the word on the street is that, "America will never forget 9/11." This has been an ECHO for over a year now. Well... the terrorist will never forget either. The kid that I punched and his brother will not forget our day, and neither will I. These are not memories I want to have.
In this world... there is no debate about whether a country is peaceful or whether they are aggressive. Now everyone is aggressive and we just decide if the nuclear weapon threat is real or a bluff. As a country we are so aggressive even on our own land. We talk about a unified country, but fear to ride subways. We talk about the US being a mixing pot, but classes, races and gender have trouble with simple eye contact, or even grabbing a ladies cart on the way to the store so she doesn't have to take it back.
Everyone gets hyped up and WAR hungry, whether they don't get their big piece of chicken or lose a loved one. I'm PROUD to know that nothing that we have now will be with us when we die, whether we go to heaven or lay in the dirt. Everything seems to revolve around the tangible, despite the thought that we have a soul. We focus on acquiring rather than creating, and we certainly don't focus on loving. You don't have to live the longest life to prove you loved the hardest. You have to demonstrate some type of sacrifice to prove that your body and mind are where your soul is.
Does anyone REMEMBER Ghandi, or Martin Luther King? The one's that were STRONG. Not "strong" like the US, STRONG like HUMANS. Both the US and these men put their foot down, for something they supported. All of them have suffered casualties. So let’s analyze this. Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi accomplished something bigger than themselves. But the US hasn't accomplished anything bigger than what one of us could accomplish on our own with the combination of our brain and soul.
I'd rather die by an attack, than die on a front line. The question is not whether I want to die or not, the question is... In what state of mind? Do I want to be storming out of a trench, running at someone with a different version of the same killing machine (gun), just to find out ultimately who's a stronger country in the killing department? NO. How about a missile dropped on me because I'm at the coordination of an enemy's position (for them). NO. Well... what am I getting at then?
It's called PEACE. And here's a piece of mind. Let's hypothetically say the terrorists blow up a major US city. The nation cries. But then we just hold each other's hands for support (like a family), as apposed to going out and killing to falsify a solution. MILLIONS and MILLIONS of people, die, bomb by bomb, city by city, in a peaceful manner. <-- That is what humans are capable of. We should not be scared of going to heaven, or going into the dirt. It will happen eventually, and everyone says that life goes by faster and faster as they get older, which means death is around the corner for us all. The world’s largest nation, with the most people dying in the biggest statement ever said in the WORLD. That statement is PEACE.
I would be honored to make my life a number to that contribution. I would be honored to sit next to any one of you with my arms around you male or female, looking up from the coordination that the enemies have marked for a nuclear weapon attack. WE, sitting there, together in the face of death are what we ALL strive for in our lives; a friend through it all. We can't accomplish that pointing fingers, or holding guns. We have to have both hands open and the arms wide.
I remember when I got the call from my grandmother's voice around 6:30am Pacific Time on 9/11. Her voice was shaking, and I heard her push the words out, "America's been attacked, we are going to war." I didn't have cable at that time, so I zoomed to a friend’s house (terrified) to watch what was going on. When I saw this, 2 thoughts went through my head. The first... "OH MY GOSH, it looks like a movie” The second... "There are a lot of hugs needed now, ESPECIALLY for the terrorists" because I remember what it's like to attack someone.
I don’t know if it's fortunate of me to be the only one of my family to carry on the name (so I don’t have to fight a war). Now I get to enjoy my life (for however many more hours fate has provided), but all I can think about is 2 soccer teams running at each other with hand guns, each trying to kill the other team. Let's at least trade the guns for a soccer ball to find out who's a winner, because EVERYONE is losing right now.

--annonymous

Due to the unfortunate circumstances of my education, it is necessary that I wake up at 4 AM 5 days a week. When I began this insane schedule, I thought the worst part would be going to sleep at 9 PM or completely missing daylight. Little did I know the lack of early morning television programming would be the thing I hated most about college.
Every morning, I wake, shower, dress and sit with a cup of hot choc in front of the television for some quiet time to relax and get ready for the day. I have found myself more often infuriated than relaxed, more often going to work in a rage instead of calm. I blame television.
When I was young, turning the television on at 4 AM would yield one of two possible fruits: Either I would find myself looking at a still photo of a flag or I’d be watching the farm report. Now, with the dominance of infomercials and cable, I can watch VH1 showing the latest Goo Goo Dolls or Dave Matthews Band inanity, the ProActiv acne solution or, most alarmingly, the ad for the "Girls Gone Wild" series.
It is about these girls, apparently gone wild, that I wish to write this week.
For those of you who have been living off-world and managed to escape the "Girls Gone Wild" phenomenon, let me describe it: Some enterprising people take a video camera to Mardi Gras, nightclubs and frat parties, and watch "normal girls" get "wild."
These girls, it is stressed, are "not models or actresses." One can only guess that they are strippers who have become so defeated that they no longer claim to be either. Heavily made up, heavily augmented, and dressed in animal prints that no animal would be willing to claim, these women express their "wildness" by making faux-lesbian love on the dance floor, pulling their pants down to reveal the waistbands of their thongs, and, repeatedly and emphatically, showing their breasts.
Interspersed among this wildness are interviews with pathetic, fat teenage boys claiming that their girls are the wildest, do the wildest things and have gone irrevocably wild. Then they chug a beer and go to their rooms to frag away on "Quake III."
The first thing that occurs to me is the hollowness of the word "wild" in our generation, and how little it means. There was a time when wildness and savagery implied a discarding of civilization and its accessories, for both good and bad. It meant living in nature, free of the constructed responsibilities of the city.
We invented videotapes and decided wildness meant pinching one’s nipples so that they could be seen through a shirt. We think getting in touch with the fundamental essence of the human animal lies in sex for sex’s sake, drinking for drunkenness’ sake. We have decided the unadorned core of humanity lies in activity that justifies itself - that life is meaningless and is justified only by itself.
When I see the "Girls Gone Wild" jiggling their breasts to bad techno, what I see is a depressingly empty account of our souls. I also find myself aroused, which is the other thing that bothers me.
Words cannot adequately express how embarrassed I feel when I realize how perfectly easy the male attention is to snare. We can be caught in any thrall that has pert breasts and a bottom, and it drives me absolutely crackers to realize this.
Girls Gone Wild? More like Guys Gone Stupid.
There is no reason for this drive. The urge sparked by the sight of the female body has no endpoint--it can never be satisfied. It isn’t even a motivation that can be completely explained. Men don’t want to possess the female body. They don’t just want to be near one. It’s not even accurate to say that the sexual act satisfies sexual attraction, because the former simply intensifies the latter.
It’s not as if the female body is useful. Breasts will never drive you to the airport, or keep you company. You won’t find a woman’s bottom helping you change a tire or boosting your Trivial Pursuit team to victory. And yet we very much desire these body parts, independent of the occupying soul.
We just want - with no logic, no reason, no meaning and no satisfaction. We don’t know why we want, or even what it is we want. We just perceive the female form, and we feel desire without anchor. It is the thrall of the purely biological, and it is wilder than any party or beer bong.
So I’ve found early morning television and, particularly, "Girls Gone Wild" has evoked more contemplation than I expected. In it I see my generation’s perception of wildness, and how far split from primal nature it is. And I simultaneously see the true evidence of our wildness, how it totally seizes the male mind without heed of logic. The truth is that while the video may claim to show "Girls Gone Wild" its founding principle is really the wild instincts of men - and how they may be manipulated.
I would think the same is true of women, but if there’s a "Boys Gone Wild," it airs earlier than 4 in the morning. (Thank god!)

--annonymous

So yeah i havent written in a l-o-n-g while but im back!! Well, tonight was HOMECOMING!! F**K YEAH!! it was f**king awesum! we won 38-21!! GO RAIDERS!! so yeah, now we are 5-2, i think....idk. so yeah, today was the most awesumest f**king day i've had in a while bcuz today i got my new barbell in my tongue and its so pretty cuz its blue and green and it glowz in the dark and that f**king rockzs my soczks and cuz also today i threw away my cigzs cuz i am going to quit smoking!! GO ME!! and bcuz today the guy that i like told me that he likez me back and everything but i dont know wuz gonna happen bcuz i also like this one other guy but not nearly as much, so idk. but then after the game, me and my short-shit buddy and her friend and 2 other people all went to F**krudderzs for dinner!! and it was so awesum bcuz we were like the only people thurr and it was the first hamburger i've had since i got my tongue ring and i've been like craving one so bad OMFG!! so yeah, today f**king rockz mann!! yeah buts its like 12 32 and im so f**king wired and i cant sleep for sh*t so idk. but i guezz its ok bcuz i dont have to be up early or anything but OMG sunday is gonna rock bcuz im a getta see mah friendz at church and so they can se my new barbell and EEE i am so f**king excited!! today is so awesum!! HOLY SHIT!! dude---there aint jacksh*it on the radio but oh well bcuz aint nothin ruinin my fabulous day/nite!! HEY HEY!! thurrz only one thing that would make it better and thatz if i had some weed and could jux lay back and be chill and all mellowed out, jux sit thurr n relax n sh*t!! well that or if mah boi wuz herre rite now cuz that would be pretty f**kin cool too, chill on the couch or watch some tv then fall asleep in mah bed...ya know (((and NO not that sh*t...get ur mindz out tha gutter!!)))
newayz, ima go n try n get some sleep, have some sweet azz dreamz about mah boi or whatever. but ttfn. LuV aLwAyZ!! ***babegrl*** xoxoxo

HEY HEY!! Im Chelle. Im spoiled even though at times I deny it. What your friends said about me wasnt true. I was a dork before being lame was the "trend". Im not the b*tch everyone anticipated for me to be, but I dont want to be your best friend. Im very petite (5') but I could probably beat you up. Sure I like music but I dont have to list a bunch of bands to prove how cool I am. Im spunky, decisive, intelligent, strong willed, playful, quiet, shy, anxious, curious, scared, in love. Im all that and much much more. I could sit here and name all these great qualities that I have and make myself seem great and perfect. But I'd be lying because Im not great and Im far from perfect. Im just me but thats ok.

"There are no perfect people, only perfect intentions."

"Luck is where opportunity meets preparation."

"Dont ever let someone be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option!"


AlWaYz!! xoxoxo *babegrl*